Reflection

My home is empty today and quiet. I don't normally get times like these and honestly, I like the chaos and noise. To me it means that the people I love are here spending time together and making memories.

Today, the quiet has me reflecting on my life; where I have gone, people who have passed through or stayed, and events that have shaped my life. I am a small town girl, through and through. Born and raised in the town I still call home. I come from a normal everyday, hardworking family. I am blessed to be the 4th generation woman in my family.


I am not perfect, far from it. I have made my fair share of mistakes, some I learned from and some I didn't. Do I regret those mistakes? Some, yes; others, no. Those things have shaped me into who I am today. I am stubborn, hardheaded and need to know when to put the filter on my mouth. I have said things that I never should have and can't take back. I wake up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other and get through the day. I can't always smile and act like everything is okay but I try. I have found that I can't always hide the worry, hurt, anger and stress. I have cried almost every day for the last 5 months.

There are things that I see and want for myself. I know that some are attainable and others are not, mostly because they are only realistic in fairy tales. I want to be happy, loved, wanted, cherished. Can I get those? Yes, but maybe not all at once and not by whom I expect it to be from.

I am learning something new everyday about myself. I have found that I have the family I could only have dreamed of, friends that through the years are still there. I have lost people that meant the world to me and were my heroes. There are those that have crossed my path that have only brought me down and I cherish that. I may have a wavering faith as of late, but I know that God has only blessed me.