So many questions fill my head, so many of them left unanswered. I have heard people answer in response to question they don't know by saying "Google it!". Seems pretty simple and both parties get an answer to their puzzling questions. So should I just "Google" my unanswered questions? I don't believe that there would be answers to the things I want to know...Why my dad? How do we move on? What is our new normal? Will the void ever be filled?

Three months ago my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer after a trip to the ER for an unexplained headache. One week ago, he lost his short, brave fight.

Donnie isn't my natural father, but he became my dad when I was just a toddler. He has been my protector, adviser, parent, hero and later in life friend. I tease Dana about how I was the "choosen" child. He didn't have to treat me like his own flesh and blood, he just did. I remember short childhood memories of him hanging a tree swing, reading books to me at bedtime, coming home covered in grease and dirt and always so tired from his day that all he wanted to do was eat and rest, but always took the time to give me a hug. The first memory I have of knowing he wasn't my real dad was a painful one for both of us and changed our relationship for years to come. It was an issue that neither one of us knew how to fix or overcome until I was an adult. We started talking while playing a game of pool in Dad's garage, what was just light conversation turned into how much we care about each other and that no matter what he was my dad.

Dad was an awesome grandparent and all of my children called him "Papa Shoe". Later Hunter began calling him "Pops". I was told that the day Hunter was born Dad paced back and forth in front of my hospital room worried and scared (Hunter and I were both extremely sick and Hunter was a blue baby when he finally came into the world). The first time Dad held Hunter the look on his face was priceless. He smiled big and said he was so excited that he finally had a boy to do things with. Within a week, Mom and Dad were "kidnapping" Hunter and Dad was calling to see if Hunter to come over and play. He loved each one of the kids and enjoyed doing so many things with them like camping, working in the garage, four-wheeling in the field next to their home and convincing them to pick up pine cones in the yard.

The last three months we had with Dad are filled with so many memories. The thought of losing a parent who was still so young was hard to imagine or understand. I know the kids and I were in a state of denial till the end but we still made the most of the time we had. During his last two weeks Mom, Dana and I sat with him in the hospital talking of what was going on with our family and friends, watching TV, and reminiscing during the quiet times. It was so hard to leave each day not knowing what tomorrow would bring. There was never a morning that we didn't walk into his room with our eyes wide at the suttle changes in him during the night but managed to keep a smile on so he couldn't see the sadness and hurt in us.

I will always be grateful that I had those days with him, was able to hold his hand during his last hours, being able to tell him that I loved him and reminding him that he is and will forever be my hero and the man I was so fortunate to call "Dad". There is a huge hole left in our family, one that will never be filled, but the memories we have and cherish will keep us going. One foot in front of the other, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute till the day we get to see him again.